Sunday, 9 October 2016

5 ways to feel more beautiful, powerful and feminine.

We're all in this together us women. Wading our way through endless lists of 'do's and dont's.' How to be more feminine, powerful, sensual, better mother, friend, lover. The goal posts change with every generation so it's not just teenagers that seek to answer; 'Who am I?'

Last month we tried to define femininity and discovered that a precise definition is impossible. To be truly feminine, in this day and age, is to accept yourself and others the way they are. Steel-cap boots can be equally as feminine as the highest stilettos. Our real aim is self mastery, but we continue to use the word feminine for its gentleness and strength.
nothing as strong as gentleness
Today we are removing the layers of BB creams and lycra and getting back to the basics of self love, self care and discover where the true beauty and strength of femininity lies.

1. Breathe.

Our most essential source of energy is oxygen. Babies breathe deeply. By the time we reach adulthood many of us breath unconsciously and only take a deep breath when we yawn or sigh.

Shallow breathing is a signal to the body that we are stressed out. Stress causes our adrenal glands to work in overdrive. When our body is stressed our circulation, mind ... everything is weakened. Stress is the root cause all sorts of physical and mental illness. The best way to energise ourselves is to learn some simple breathing techniques that will increase the flow of oxygen throughout our whole body.

-Start by lying on the floor (eventually you can do it sitting, driving, reading. Make a habit out of it and it will soon become an unconscious action.)
-Place one hand on your diaphragm and the other on your belly.
-Breathe in slowly until your tummy starts to push against your lower hand for 3 counts.
-Hold your breath for the count of four. The pause between each breath is just as important as inhalation and exhalation. -Purse your lips and slowly breathe out to the count of 7 or longer. Tighten your abdominal muscles and feel the hand on your belly lower again.
-The hand on your chest should remain still the entire time.
-Pause and repeat.


Try and do this breathing exercise for 3-5 minutes before going to sleep. Gradually increase it to 10 minutes or more, 3 or more times a day.

2. Body Brushing.

After the breath work starts to help your inner body function as it should, we can move to the outer body. Last month we discussed a simple bathing routine to rejuvenate your mind and body. This month we'll take a look at the ancient ritual of dry skin or body brushing. 

Dry brushing your skin helps improve your lymphatic system, boost your energy levels, relieves tired muscles, reduces cellulite and makes your skin glow. Dry brushing can be done before or after showering. Add a little oil to the brush if you do it after bathing to moisturise your skin at the same time. 

Long or short handle natural bristle brushes, loofahs or abrasive gloves are all effective and can be bought online or in pharmacies.

-Start brushing at your feet with long strokes or circular motions on your legs, pay particular attention to your inner thighs.
-Brush gently towards lymphatic drainage ducts that lie in the centre of your chest.
-Move to the back of your hands and work up your arms, remember you armpits where lots of lymph glands are located.
-Follow through with downward movements on the neck and shoulders.
-Finally, do circular movements on the belly. Dear Aphrodite's choice is clockwise as it seems intuitive to the direction of the colon, but there is no right or wrong here. Do what feels right for you.

Body brushing is best done in the morning because it is so energising. While some exfoliation does occur you should never scratch your skin. You can also gently dry brush your face with a smaller brush.



Charis Malina Brown has some other great tips for natural face cleansing and how to feel beautiful without wearing makeup.


3. Move your body.

Last month we covered the benefits of exercise and dancing your way towards femininity. Unfortunately one of the videos was removed by youtube. Fortunately, Dear Aphrodite has found another full 30 minute belly dancing workout for beginners that has great music. 


Even if you have two left feet belly dancing will strengthen your core muscles (no more back pain), tone your arms in time for summer, harness the energy of your sacral chakra, reduce menstrual cramping, improve digestion and your mood and make you feel sexy.

4. More than just yoga.

Rosie Rees says, "womens nude yoga is a practice in vulnerability, courage and radical self acceptance."

Dear Aphrodite loves Rosie's website and her products. Pelvic floor exercises are well established in the practice of yoga, but did you know ancient Chinese Taoists used a crystal jade egg inserted into the vagina to strengthen, tone and train the pelvic floor muscles? Here is Rosie explaining how to use one. Feedback from our clients has been that it makes them feel very powerful.



Rosie offers nude yoga workshops throughout the Australia. If group work is a little out of your comfort zone start in your underwear at home on your own. 

Dianne Bondy is one of many yogis debunking the myth that yoga is only for instagram snapping, exotic location, expensive sports wear loving self proclaimed guru's.

Just watching her ad will make every woman feel more confident and feminine.



5. Discover your ugly.

Our final step towards inner beauty sounds counterintuitive. In Jungian psychology it is referred to as shadow work. C. G. Jung said 'People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.' Mellissa La Flamme delves deep into the subject in her new book "What you are for. Inciting a revolution in your soul." 

Not everything bad happens to us, it is also created by us. It is only when we move through the darker sides of our nature that we can begin to really connect and accept ourselves. 




Our femininity and sensuality lies in the acceptance of who we are, not how we look or what we own. 

Since ancient times both women and men have sought out ways to discover the true essence of who we really are, why we're really here. We seek connection, clarity and balance sometimes in all the wrong places. 

Traditional rituals have been rediscovered or still exist today, because they work. They are easier and more attainable than we remember at times. Their beauty and power is in their simplicity. 

*** 

In case you missed it: Dr Nikki Goldstein published an article about our James Bond/Christian Grey look-a-like gentleman Spencer. Confessions of an Australian male-escort. I don't just get booked for sex. She admits to buying less shoes and saving her pennies in case she decides to book an appointment with Aphrodisiac male escorts one day.


Dear Aphrodite hopes you enjoyed this months blog. Let us know if you try any of our tested techniques and what results they have for you. 

Check out what else Dear Aphrodite has on offer by logging on to the Aphrodisiac Male Escort website

Keep updated between blogs on Tumblr or you can keep in touch through our facebook pages below.

Dear Aphrodite - For the wild woman at heart.

Passions of Aphrodite – Fan Page, not linked to the business. Safe to share amongst your friends. 


If you have any questions or comments sent an email to info@sageforwomen.com - Your privacy is our priority and your feedback is always welcome.

Monday, 1 August 2016

The art of feminine sensuality in 5 easy steps.

We are born female, become women but what make us feminine?
"Sugar and Spice and all things nice..." 
This line from a 19th century nursery rhyme is one of the first definitions of femininity in our childhood. In 2016 little girls are not so innocent anymore. Sugar is sweet but deadly. A spoonful of cinnamon can suffocate you. Chilli burns and exotic spices blended with the right ingredients become flavours we crave.

In our attempt to define femininity now, we first turned to google:

femininity
ˌfɛmɪˈnɪnɪti/
noun
  1. the quality of being female; womanliness.
    "she celebrates her femininity by wearing make-up and high heels"
    synonyms:womanliness, feminineness, womanhood, womanly qualities, feminine qualities
    "she had always delighted in her femininity"


Yes. Really. Must have been defined by a man!

Apparently make-up and high heels make women more womanly... ugh! Sure, heels make our calves look more defined and give an illusion of length, but swaying your hips naturally when you walk, is best done with bare feet.

In TAO philosophy all things female are defined as Yin (the shady side) and Yang is the bright side. Neither Yin nor Yang are absolute. You can't have one without the other. Each aspect contains the beginning point for the other aspect. Day (Yang) becomes night, becomes day again...and the times of day that yin becomes yang changes, daily. 

In truth femininity is so fluid it's hard, impossible even, to define. Perhaps it's the opposite of masculinity? Though, if masculine equals strength, are women then weak?

Of course not!! Both words are subjective. Similarly the word love. 

Love can be felt, but is unseen.
Love is neither masculine or feminine rather it is something we sense.
We are all capable of loving. 

Femininity can't be defined absolutely because women are constantly evolving. 
In the 50's it meant being subservient, the 60's released us from our bras.
The new millennium is a time for being happy in your own skin, no matter our differences.

Ancient Eastern traditions present several masculine and feminine polarities which govern the body. 
The back half is male and our support structure. The front is female our creative side. The lower half is female and is governed by an energy centre that lies just below the belly button known as the sacral chakra. It is the centre of our mind and sexuality.


In psychology the male-female relationship is understood as femininity relating to intuition, governed by the right brain which controls the left side of the body. Masculine is cognitive, left brain and right side of the body.  

Fotalia by Adobe.



Dear Aphrodite knows being feminine is integrating all aspects of ourselves including our sensuality.  
At our core lies love but in striving to be good at everything we often suppress our energy centres especially our sensuality.

Dear Aphrodite has come up with 5 ways to secure our sensuality.

1) BE VULNERABLE.  

When we begin to explore and learn, we taste, feel, smell, listen and see.... We use all of our 5 senses. We are not afraid to venture out of our comfort zone. Imagine doing a blind tasting. In order to heighten our sense of taste we block our sight. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable by putting on a blindfold in order to enhance our experience of taste.   

The sacral chakra helps to open up our senses. In the short video below Ashley Turner explains the role of our sacral chakra and the last 5 minutes is an easy Yoga routine to try.




2) BE MINDFUL.  

When was the last time you paid attention to the way you walk. Are you aware your foot makes 5 separate movements between hitting the ground and taking off again?

First, take your shoes off and feel the outer edge of your heel touch the ground. Notice your foot turn slightly inward before turning out again and landing at the base of your little toe. Then it rolls in towards the ball of your foot and finally takes off from the large toe. Our leg muscles then support and resist each other until our hips connects the top half of the body, then sway to change the centre of balance as we take a second step.

If we are mindful of each step we become more aware of our surroundings. Walking can be a meditative practice connecting us to our body, the environment and other people.  
Try a slow barefoot walk for 5-10 minutes. Now imagine applying the same consciousness in other areas of your life.

3) FEEL BEAUTIFUL.  

We spend so much time and money in  beauty salons, on clothes that define or hide specific body parts so we 'look good.' We clean our body, cover our faces, set our style. We perfect our routine and race out the door, but does it make us feel beautiful? Do yourself a favour this weekend and take some time to gently cleanse your body. Go to spa or do it your self at home. Next month we will explore dry skin brushing to revitalise your body. 

This month take a tip from an ancient Indian ritual and try washing your body in slow circular movements over all of your joints, sideways across your torso and in long back and forth strokes over each of your long bones. Enjoy the attention to detail that no-one else will probably even notice.  In dry skin brushing we stroke towards the heart but in the bath the stroke can be both ways. 
You can even use the same cleansing ritual in your daily shower.
Let your skin and body relish the extra attention... it costs little but a few minutes of your time.

4) BE STRONG.  

Before the bubonic plague women were described by their roles. Maiden, wife, widow. This quickly evolved after almost half the population died. Society began to realise the strength of a woman. Lucky we don't have to fight off plagues anymore, but we can pack a mean punch (in a boxing class,) climb mountains or do some squats in our spare time. The benefits of exercise are not just physical.  Strong bones, strong muscle, strong mind and Dear Aphrodite's favourite benefit a strong libido.  

5) DANCE.  

It doesn't matter what type of dancer you are. Turn on your favourite music, move your body. Watch yourself in front of the mirror or let the music flow gracefully through you in the lounge room or office... Move until your temperature starts to rise and keep going.
Dance all stress and inhibitions away, dance your ass off (or your belly/thighs if you prefer.) For inspiration, tune into your inner love Goddess with this beautiful belly dancing workout. Dear Aphrodite loves that the music isn't traditional. It's effortless, easy and oh so sexy.




How many of the 5 steps do you regularly do for yourself? 
Will you try to give them a try?  
In truth there are a lot more than just 5 steps to becoming more sensual.  
Our next post will delve further into sensual practices through the ages, more practical techniques, including breathing to help balance our mojo...  
See this as a starting point. After mastering a technique we must challenge ourselves to develop it further. Are you ready?  

We hope you enjoyed this months blog check out what else Dear Aphrodite has on offer by logging on to the Aphrodisiac Male Escort website

Keep updated between blogs on Tumblr or you can keep in touch through our facebook pages below.

Dear Aphrodite - For the wild woman at heart.

Passions of Aphrodite – Fan Page, not linked to the business. Safe to share amongst your friends. 

If you have a question use the comments below or send an email to to info@sageforwomen.com - Your privacy is our priority and your feedback is always welcome. 





Monday, 8 February 2016

An escort reveals how a threesome can spice up or save your marriage.

Four people, an exclusive hotel and a threesome.

We love a juicy story. Intimate details about the personal lives of people that do things we're afraid to dream about sell millions of tabloids the world over. It's one thing to do something daring and break free from the traditional normal. We reach a whole new level when people share their adventures or some snippets of their lifestyles choices.


This months blog post is bought to you by Aphrodisiac Male Escorts only female escort, Erica.  Aphrodisiacs caters exclusively to women, but Erica doesn't mind men getting in on the action, or catering to the needs of a man that wants to please a woman.  Let's face it, there ain't an abundance of excellent lovers out there. Erica knows how to teach. 
Source cdn.business2community.com


Threesomes are often thought of as being for the joy of men. Erica will equal the playing field. 

In some cultures Aunties teach nieces how to make their men better lovers. In our culture Erica is the kind of woman that can empower a woman to feel pleasure again or even for the first time. Show and tell is such an easy way to learn. 

Communication is often emotionally charged and difficult when the subject is sex. Erica might even save an unsatisfying or asexual marriage, or your sanity. If you dare. 

***

Introducing Erica...


 I’ve been asked by the team at Aphrodisiac Male Escorts to write for our blog. As the only female escort currently working for Aphrodisiac I guess I have a unique perspective and we thought it would be worth sharing with you. 

I’m a liberated creature, I view sex with an open heart and mind and as such I like to call myself fluid. I’m not big on labels. I appreciate both the male and female experience. I am not confined by the prejudices and judgments of society. 

I aim to push through common convictions and love to challenge the status quo, in doing so I hope to introduce new opportunities and experiences and equalise the playing field, so to speak. So please enjoy my first blog post, as I certainly hope to entertain and enthral you all with many more. 

Sex is empowering and should be viewed as such. To truly embrace that power you must be open to new experiences. 

If you have a partner you must trust that person enough to know that ‘sharing’ a new experience can, if you let it, enrich your lives together and not over burden it with fear and jealousy. This type of experience is not for everyone, or perhaps you simply haven’t arrived at this juncture. 

Surely it is worth exploring all avenues before giving up on a marriage or long-term relationship, perhaps all you need is a little spice. A little spice keeps things nice….so please consider my offering, I promise both of you an experience to remember. 
Source  free-as-a-tree)

My first booking with Aphrodisiac was one such experience.  To most it would seem like the plot to a Hollywood movie… 

I was flown to Noosa, (I’ve never been) put up in the hotel of my choice. I was to meet a couple who are from Melbourne but were staying at their holiday home throughout the summer. 

They chose for our little rendezvous to happen in this exotic setting rather then the familiarity of their everyday existence. I’m certainly not complaining! It worked well as we had one of our gentlemen escorts Adam, living in Noosa at the time and the couple had booked us as a double. For privacies sake I'll call the couple Karen and John. 

Karen and John are an attractive couple in there fifties and this is a second marriage for both of them. John, as often is the case, had experienced ménage a trios’ and was a lot more comfortable than Karen in venturing beyond the norms of monogamy.

Adam picked me up from my hotel room. I was eager to meet our companions for the evening, excited and nervous at the same time. Lucky we didn’t have to drive far. 

We were greeted warmly by John when we arrived while Karen was waiting for us on the undercover balcony. 

We started the evening chatting over a few wines, which was fun, but it was mostly to calm Karen's nerves. This was a first time experience for her. 


Source: delta-breezes)

I was struck by John's love and concern for Karen. His gentle assurance throughout the evening, especially in the beginning, was gorgeous to watch. The whole experience, whilst more familiar to John, was new for the both of them. 

John wanted Karen to try something new. She was to be the centre of our worlds and to be honest he just wanted to enjoy the show and let his partner enjoy our attention. 

I took control of the evening when I thought the time was right, better to act now then let Karen’s nerves get the better of her. We moved into the beautifully decorated lounge. Adam and John watched from the kitchen area drinking in the view with an intense quiet interest.

I slowly undressed myself, revealing my alluring Pleasure State lingerie to everyone. Karen sat on the spacious lounge just centimetres from me. Then I carefully and expertly undressed Karen revealing her sexy, silky underwear which made me want her even more….

Her breath hung on every move I made, her anticipation and nervous excitement escaped her lips each time I touched her skin and brushed her full breasts. It was now Adam’s turn to take control. Before I completely forgot about him lost in exploring Karen, he moved us all into the master bedroom. 

Both he and I focused our attentions solely on Karen as John watched. We made her feel beautiful and cherished, sexy and desirable and honestly in her willingness and vulnerability she was. 

Karen had never been with a women before and having a man like Adam devour you in the bedroom as her husband watched made Karens‘s whole energy naughty, beautiful and exuberant. Our experience triggered something in her that only this sort of letting go of the body and mind can bring. 
(Source: pinterest.com, via eliapan)

Finally after hours of sexy play and naked, sweaty fun everyone lay exhausted on the bed, except John. He had watched the entire time from a chair close by. John offered us another wine and then Adam and I dressed and prepared to leave.

I was spent, Karen was spent and John just looked like all of his Christmases had come at once. As often is the case I could tell that Karen & John were eager to have some time to themselves to recount the evening, to make love while the smells and sexy intoxication were still heavy in the room. 

Adam dropped me off at my hotel and I spent what was left of my evening recounting my own experience. I’m always left in a satiated alternative state after such a booking and I like to reflect on the success and events of the evening.

Finally I succumbed to a restful slumber then enjoyed a light breakfast in Noosa before heading to the Sunshine Coast airport and inevitably home.

My final take on the evening. For his part John put a lot of trust in Karen to explore and experience something so taboo and yet new and exciting. When you love someone, surely this is a gift worth giving. They both put a lot of trust in Adam and I and we respected that trust implicitly. 



That evening brought this couple closer. It is the trust and willingness that does it, not the sex and nakedness, although that certainly is the fun part…

Till next time

I’d love to hear your thoughts, 

Erica.

***


Check out Erica's profile by logging on to the Aphrodisiac Male Escort website

Keep updated between blogs on Tumblr or keep in contact through our facebook pages below.

Dear Aphrodite - For the wild woman at heart.


Passions of Aphrodite – Fan Page, not linked to the business. Safe to share amongst your friends. 

Did Erica's story inspire you? Use the comments below or send an email to to info@sageforwomen.com - ask a question or let her know how you feel. Your privacy is our priority and your feedback is always welcome. 







Monday, 28 September 2015

'Ready or not here I come.'

How would you feel about taking a fitness class from an instructor that couldn't touch her toes, or advice about nutrition from an overweight dietitian?  Do you judge them and wish you could get your money back before you even start? Perhaps you admire them for not caring what 'everyone else' thinks? Dear Aphrodite likes to take a moment and wonder what drives them. What if the best healers really are the ones that need the most healing. 

This months blog is a personal story written by one of Aphrodisiac Male Escorts' two directors. Madam Regina presents a classic 'do as I say not as I do' story with a final twist that delves into what occurs when someone finally takes their own advice. There is something to be learned in every paragraph of this story... Dear Aphrodite presents: 



An intimate confession.


Given that I'm such a private person, I've been agonising over whether to share a very intimate part of myself. It has taken a great deal of courage to move through my fears but ultimately what tipped the scales in my decision to share, is the inner knowing that some may connect to the essence of my story. This is not easy. I'm shy about people knowing things. 

Firstly, I'm a single mum to 2 beautiful kids. I am also a business-woman, a daughter, sister, an auntie and a friend. Until earlier this year I had been celibate for the best part of a decade. Ten whole, long years. I can hear you saying "for the love of Denzel Washington...why?!" It's a great question. The answer is complex, but the main reason was to get back on my feet after a break up and to focus on raising my kids. I consciously shut off the notion of having a partner in my life. I wasn't hating on men, in fact I love them. I just didn't want to deal with having one... for the time being. 

I set out with purpose to become invisible to men.
Over time I gained weight and played myself down. I didn't notice men, and soon enough, it seemed, they stopped noticing me. This was despite the fact that I was by nature a very sexual human, at the time it felt right. 

My family and friends eventually gave up on the idea of me partnering up. I just wouldn’t hear of it. I went about life whilst working hard to heal my heart and restore balance, eventually only savouring a faint memory of past ecstasy. I have been lucky enough to experience other worldly intimacy. I knew exactly what I was missing. I had successfully tamed the wild woman in me and my for the time being rolled into years. 

About a year ago, almost 2 years into running Aphrodisiac Male Escorts, a niggling sensation awoke within me. Whist trying so hard to keep up with the responsibility of being a mum and keeping up a fulfilling yet demanding business, my contentment was slowly turning into restlessness. What once felt safe was morphing into confinement, imprisonment; I had clipped my own wings. I was running on empty. Stagnation comes to mind as I write this. 

I had lost myself. 

Hearing stories almost daily from our clients about extended periods of celibacy. A year, 2 years. 4 years, 7 years.....20 years, was a constant reminder of my own buried sense of self. I listened to their fears and uncertainties about taking a step forward, moving on, healing their heart...mending their broken wings then walked side by side with them to hear their brave stories of triumph and delight on the other side of courage. I began to feel like a fraud. I knew the ride from where I was, back to my purpose was going to be a confronting, uncertain one; and at some point felt like I had no choice. I'm sure our clients had no idea how intensely we feel their stories. Let's just say that tears have flowed more than once.
      
I couldn't live with my discomfort anymore, that dense foreboding of finding myself on the 'old' side of being a middle- aged woman. I don't have an issue with maturing. What bothered me was feeling old...that somehow, somewhere I'd lost my softness. My femininity. And as funny as it seems to say now, I felt like I was at a point of no return. The sensual womanly experiences I had so revelled in were in my distant past. Kind of in that 'If you don't use it, you lose it' style. 

Leaving the comfort zone.

I started on a path without any idea where I was heading. I still wasn't interested in a relationship or even dating for that matter. I had no intention of kissing a thousand frogs to get my needs met. The notion of online dating, weeding through profiles with no real guarantee of satisfaction was daunting to say the least. It is safe to say that I was clueless about the brave new world of dating…but I did have a good grasp on hiring a male escort...at least in theory.

I held my cards close to my chest, not sharing my thoughts with anyone not even with my childhood best friend and business partner, Anna, for fear of backing out. Over the next several months I researched other male escorts agencies and gentlemen that were working independently. This time it wasn't for a competitive edge but through the eyes and emotions of a client. 

I had a check-list of minimum requirements needing to be met so that I could feel comfortable enough to step outside my comfort zone. I required to feel safe, to be assured of confidentiality, ensure safe sex practice and to know that the escort was registered as a sex worker, for assurance of regular STI health checks. In addition, chemistry was a MUST. My demands led to disappointment. The men were either physically unappealing, some clearly didn't understand women. Some had no clue about being in the service industry and others could only be loosely referred to as ‘gentlemen’.  

Running away from home.

After months of researching, getting cold feet, feeling frustrated with myself, and then searching again, I finally decided on an independent male escort. He had that certain je ne sais quoi, his profile read well and he managed to relay his passion for women. 

I called him up for a chat and although he wasn't as polished on the phone, I pushed through and organised a 2- hour booking with him. There was no sense of excitement- it was more like "now look what you've gone and done?!" Shutting out the immense discomfort I then booked a 3 day stay in a hotel with a great balcony view of the Melbourne city skyline. My booking with, lets call him *Sam, was to take place on the last evening of my mini vacation...I hadn't had a break for 4 years... yes mamma was running away from home!

For the next 2 weeks leading up to D Day, I must have changed my mind a dozen times or so. Emotions ranged from panic to dread to excitement and back to panic. I refused to tell anyone and my internal dialogue was loud and unrelenting. Bridgette Jones had nothing on me. Every possible insecurity took it’s turn to rise to the surface. I acknowledged and ignored myself, knowing that ultimately this was my best opportunity to overcome my hiatus from whole adult life. After all I was in full control and could say 'no' at anytime…and that in the absence of chemistry, I could receive a nice massage or just simply send the male escort away.


       'The best way out is always through.' Robert Frost

It took quite a bit of manoeuvring and negotiating but I managed to organise the kids and my schedule in such a way as to avoid the world ending while I was away. I arrived at the hotel armed with scented candles, a bottle of wine, my favourite music, a book, sensual lingerie and my laptop. The room was beautiful, the view magnificent - I felt like a queen. I did not venture out of the room the entire time. I indulged in room-service and watched re-runs of Entourage. I jumped on the bed, took long long showers, napped, walked around naked and I danced. By day 2 I felt more myself than I had in a very long time. In the absence of my intense schedule and all the roles I play I still existed….how about that!?

D Day- I woke up in a panic not unlike the morning of my tandem skydive 12 years ago. Me and my brilliant ideas! "Feel the fear and do it anyway" was my mental mantra on repeat. Sam was due to arrive at 6pm. I had to keep myself occupied the entire day. Trying to read a book was pointless and so Entourage came to the rescue once again.

By 4pm I was having heart palpitations. I thought I might be having a heart attack. Inhaling; I got busy preening myself. I prepared an envelope with money for Sam and put it on the dresser. By 5.30 I was pacing. The irony was not lost on me. How many clients have we placated prior to their first booking?...Hundreds.

5.50pm I get a text from Sam that his taxi is stuck in traffic and he's running 20 minutes late. I feel sick, grateful that I only had a light lunch. More time to kill. 6.08pm my phone rings, Sam's in the lobby. I give him the room number. Wobbly knees and all, I walk to the door to meet him. 

Ready or not here I come.

I opened the door to be greeted with a warm smile, I am surprised by his overpowering presence. His photo certainly didn't do him justice. Thoughts of handing Sam the envelope and sending him away disappear. Picking up on my nerves, he took over with light conversation and accepted a glass of wine from my not-so-steady hand. I couldn’t master any level of sophistication or feign confidence. He asked me about myself. I gave him a brief overview about my celibacy, omitting the duration, and expressed that the purpose was to see if I can even attempt get back on that bike.




He took my hand and leaned in to kiss me. The rest is a blur of undulating waves of pleasure and passionate alchemy. It was intoxicating; a sensory carnival. I saw myself through Sam’s eyes and I felt beautiful. I felt sexy...and I still had it - in spades! Sam mirrored me perfectly. I ended up extending for a third hour, revelling in the feather-like touches, soft whispers, delicious kisses, breathy moans and divine injections of sublime erections. Exhaling- I am reborn. 

The erotic animation of worshipping and being worshipped is seared into my memory. 

The re-awakening - A rite of passage.

Despite being strangers, I set out to experience true intimacy and I did it. Sam seemed delightfully affected by it too. It was so liberating to take that leap across this canyon of paralysing fear and uncertainty. I can never again un-know my womanly essence. It has no expiry date. It only took me 44 years… I bloomed in secret because I guess the most beautiful things always do. 

A month later, I was still walking in suspended elation…cloud 9 and all that jazz. My skin was dewy with that indefinable afterglow. A knowing smile was a permanent fixture on my face with no sign of vacating anytime soon. I once again felt my center of gravity. I felt soft, feminine yet extraordinarily powerful. Everything looked brighter and I moved through my daily tasks with relative ease. And men noticed me once more…or was it me who noticed them?

Today, I'm writing this from my home, from the same slouchy couch where I felt so lost just a year ago.

The difference? Me, the men I've embraced and the miles I've travelled since. I truly believe that a clear purpose propelled me to move through the immense fear and confusion. I used this experience to face my seemingly insurmountable self-doubt. I wouldn't say that I'm quite whole just yet, but I have taken a quantum leap towards it. 

I feel such pride in the heart-centred service Anna and I have worked so hard to create for women to safely journey through what I now understand to be a modern day rite-of-passage.


"Please let’s not place an ignorant cultural taboo on celebrating sexiness in all it’s forms and please let’s broaden our appreciation for all that we men and women are. Let’s become fascinated with each other, immersing ourselves deeply in all our qualities, mutual and diverse. When we do this, we WE OURSELVES open up our excitements and fascinations, the covers of all the magazines will change and the occasional wolf-whistle in the street might even be welcomed."
-Jamie Catto
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Sunday, 19 July 2015

A more animalistic sexual encounter.

This month's blog post is the beginning of a 3 part series brought to you by one of our very own gentleman Anthony. Check out his profile on the Aphrodisiac Male Escort website, for more info about him.

Animalistic Encounters

How do you like your sex? Soft and sensual, raw and rough, or somewhere in between?


I don't get asked for the Christian Grey experience or the Magic Mike show (thankfully)

Some definitely want light bondage, but the number of clients requesting it hasn’t risen this year, despite the release of 50 Shades back in May. 


I’m beginning to wonder whether the appearance of the medieval on our screens is providing more of a stimulant to women’s sexual desires this year. In 2015, the number of women wanting a more animalistic sexual experience as part of their booking has risen markedly. It could be coincidence, or it could be the appearance of rougher sex on TV in series like Game of Thrones and Vikings.


There’s nothing wrong with rough treatment during sex; but what is it all about?

Rough treatment by choice.

If you abuse someone verbally by calling them names and putting them down, they generally don’t like it. Even if we don’t agree with what they say, after a prolonged period of abuse we can start to internalise it and believe it. 


All of us can be beaten down by abusers, no matter how strong our sense of self. That's the power and weakness of measuring ourselves through the eyes of others. It's natural and helps us to be social creatures, but it is also damaging if we listen to others to greatly.


In a different scenario, if I don’t believe I’m worthless (and I don’t) and I ask you to abuse me, I know that I allowed it and I chose it. I hold the power in this exchange and will not internalise what you say and do to me. My sense of self may actually grow stronger, because you are doing as I ask.

Power is erotically charged. Power is an intoxicating feeling that can turn sane people mad and can fire up a sexual encounter to explosive levels, one of which ways is a rougher and more animalistic domination.

If I choose to be treated rough, either by asking you or allowing you, I know I can make it stop at any moment. That is my power. 





If you continue after being asked to stop, or you cross a boundary that we established beforehand, then we have a problem. With strength of character, those boundary crossings can be addressed and discussed openly without fear of reprisal. 

I ensure that I establish trust with my clients prior to bookings or at the beginning of them so they know I respect them and they know they won’t come to any harm. Boundary lines can either be formally discussed, or stay unstated because grown adults know what is acceptable and what is not during a sexual encounter. 


If you’re ever unsure, just ask if you can do something. Women often do. I either say yes, or I say no. It depends if it crosses one of my boundary lines.
  
Pleasure in Power.

In so many forms, sex can be a deeply pleasurable experience. When we trust our intimate partners we open up and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to let them see us as we truly are. If they accept us in that moment of nakedness, they can do whatever they want to us because we have been deemed worthy as individuals, as human beings.

Clients with a deep distrust of male sexuality do not want to hand over this power. Yes, they want me to take control, but they are rebuilding a trust in men based on respect and male integrity. For these women, rough treatment during sex is not a show of respect and integrity, but rather it reminds them of the abuse they received previously.

(Familiarity may breed contempt, but it is also very comforting at times. If you’ve grown up being abused, you may actually like this form of treatment because it feels comforting, however painful that comfort may be.)

Women who have a general trust of men (they trust them as far as they can throw them, but do not fear their sexual intentions in the majority of situations), are more open to exploring the darker side of sexual pleasure. They know that rough treatment during sex can be pleasurable and does not by definition signal a disrespect or dehumanising from the man. They are cautious to choose the right man, but sometimes they meet a few duds and wrong ones along the way before finding a true man. That’s normally when I come in.


Image courtesy of UndisclosedDesires2


The more extreme end of sexual power and rough sex is in the BDSM community. There’s an opinion in the general public that women who enjoy receiving pain during sex are f*cked up individuals who were abused during their childhood. This is a myth. There is no data to substantiate this. In fact, women who engage in BDSM (the more dedicated version of rough sex), generally have better psychological health than people who do not. So with a deft flick of the wrist, we’re whipping that myth aside.


Animalistic experience.

As Alain de Botton says in his book, How to Think More about Sex:


“Nothing is erotic that isn’t also, with the wrong person, revolting, which is precisely what makes erotic moments so intense.”


The handing over of power for an erotically charged animalistic encounter does not happen without careful consideration. Women choose the right partner; they don’t just want any man to have control over their body. It needs to be a man they trust not to take it to a place beyond their control. They want and need a man they respect and they want a man they desire with their all their senses, particularly sight because we are a predominantly visual species.

Aphrodisiac Male Escorts Melbourne
Forbes woman


Emotional and physical violence in longer term intimate relationships has, at its heart, dominance and power. Male violence against women has everything to do with power inequalities. Only in a small number of men get pleasure from this violence without power being central to the issue. 


There are countless news articles and law reports about men (and women) using ‘rough sex’ as their defence for killing their partner. That is a discussion for another time and another article. (editors note: If you know anyone that is affected by domestic violence or sexual assault call 18007377328 or 1800RESPECT  https://www.1800respect.org.au/)

The central theme in this article is animalistic sex that is mutually desired through respect and acceptance of ourselves. Alain, the esteemed social scientist, sums it up thus:

“When we are on the receiving end of this type of violence and rudeness, we may find a parallel pleasure, and a certain sense of strength, in being able to decide for ourselves just how insulted, hurt and dominated we are going to feel… Such rudeness makes no sense from an evolutionary-biological point of view; it is only through a psychological lens that being slapped, half-strangled, tied to a bed and almost raped starts to feel like a proof of acceptance.”

And that other esteemed social commentator in society, Cosmo, shares stories from the women engaging in these acts:
"When a guy gets wild and aggressive, you lose your inhibitions because he wants you so bad. You feel like it doesn't matter if your boobs are small." --Melissa, 29

"Sex is like the movies. Sure, sometimes the slow, sweet stuff satisfies me (I call it chick-flick sex), but damn, sometimes you just need an action movie: rough and fast."--Briana, 25

"Animalistic sex can be fun because you don't care if you're sweaty and sticky, and you don't care if your clothes get torn. It's all about the sex and nothing else."--Carrie, 22


Animalistic sex can be amazing for both partners. It’s intense, it’s edgy and risqué at times. It needs to be mutual but being caught off guard by your partner doesn’t mean you don’t want it. It’s all about the respect, desire and trust that exists between you, however long you’ve known them.

Sex takes place mostly in the head; the body is where we play out these control and power games and seek sensory stimulation with an infinite number of possibilities. The animalistic is just one of many possibilities.

Whatever kind of sex you have, there is likely to be some power play at work. If the power dynamic is balanced (both people consciously or unconsciously accepting who has the power), there’s a greater chance the sex will be pleasurable for both of you.

And women, if you like it soft and sensual, that’s fine. If you like it rough and animalistic, that’s also fine. If you’re not sure… explore!

loving sex, erotic sex,
credit: A mad girl's love song

References:
Botton, Alain de 2012, How to Think More about Sex, Macmillan, London.
Karakurt, G, Cumbie, T, 2012, ‘The Relationship between Egalitarianism, Dominance, and Violence in Intimate Relationships’, Journal of Family Violence, vol.27(2), pp.115-122.
Wismeijer, Andreas A.J., Assen Marcel A.L.M. van, 2013, ‘Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners’, International Society for Sexual Medicine, Vol.10 p1943–1952.
"Women always want sex to be soft sweet, and romantic: girls like to to get down and dirty too (Myth of the Month.)"Cosmopolitan Jan. 2003: 104. General OneFile. Web 6 July 2015.


***

Dear Aphrodite sends out a big smoochy thank-you to Anthony we can't wait for the next instalment. 

If you have any questions for Anthony please leave a comment below, or send an email with Dear Aphrodite in the subject line to info@sageforwomen.com

If your question is more personal and you prefer to talk to someone you can trust, give Anna and Regina a call on 

1300 132 855.  Discretion is guaranteed.



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